I have had some amazing experiences connecting with students this semester!  I feel like this is something I’m usually pretty good at, but several of my experiences this semester have been on a deeper level than “We both played tennis in high school!” or “I was in marching band, too!” or even “Childish Gambino is definitely one of the most talented rappers of our time!”  All of these are valid and valuable ways to connect with students, and common interests and activities are my in-roads to student connections 90% of the time.  However, sharing interests and hobbies is easy and it usually doesn’t lead directly to a deep connection or a relationship of trust with a student on its own.  Something else is necessary for those connections to form: vulnerability.

My best relationships with students this semester have formed when we have both shared something about ourselves that pushed us to be vulnerable with each other.  Most of them have centered around something that I have struggled with for almost two decades now, but that I don’t talk about very much – mental illness.

It always amazes me how much students are willing to share with us as teachers.  A troublingly large number of students have admitted to me that they are struggling with mental illness and that it frequently interferes with their ability to focus on work.  A couple of students shared this with me up front, which is great, because it means I can keep closer tabs on their pace and catch it more quickly if they start to fall behind.  Several more students shared this struggle with me after I had noticed them struggling and reached out to check on them.

Often, when students share these types of struggles, we sympathize with them and try our best to help them, but I think there’s something really powerful in saying, “I’m here too.  I’m struggling through this same muck every single day, and sometimes I stumble, and sometimes I fail, and sometimes you will too, and that’s okay.  When that happens, I’m here to help you stand back up and get moving forward again.”

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since middle school – and that’s one of the first times I’ve ever written/spoken about it in even a semi-public setting.  I grew up with a mother who also struggled, but did not give an example of seeking help or self-care.  She suffered through it alone, and to this day, as much as I fight against it, I carry that attitude with me.  Talking about my problems or asking for help is reeeeeally hard for me.  My students have impressed me so much with their courage and willingness to say, “this is hard for me, but I’m going to try my best anyway, please help me if I can’t do it alone.”  Their willingness to be vulnerable is inspiring.  I have made a conscious effort to try and be vulnerable in return, and have been amazed at the results.

Now, thankfully, mental illness is not everyone’s struggle.  The takeaway, I think, that is applicable to everyone is don’t be afraid to share yourself with your students.  Be open.  Be vulnerable.  Be an example of a human person with struggles and passions and allow your students to be the same.  That is when real, deep connection happens.