So…It’s been a while since my last post.  For those of you who have been desperately missing my uniquely GIF- and sarcasm-fueled brand of dazzling wit, buckle up!  This one might be a doozy.

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that at certain points along the way, Life takes a massive wind up and kicks you right in the face.

Followed by an elbow.

And perhaps a karate chop or two.

Between family and personal sickness, an already packed schedule with two small children, and a returning battle with mental illness, the past two months have been especially difficult.  It’s left me feeling bruised and unsure about many things.  More relevantly to this blog, it’s left me continually playing catch-up with my courses and workload.

The first half of this semester, I think, represents me at my best as an instructor.  I was engaging students, tracking my communication, trying new things, and giving thoughtful feedback.  As time went on, however, those things fell by the wayside one by one.  Additional strategies for building student engagement went out the window, my tracking system became more of a hindrance than a help and was eventually abandoned, I fell behind on grading, and I ignored many of my responsibilities outside of the classroom, including this blog.  By the time things began to calm down, I was forced into prioritizing efficiency over quality in a few areas, including grading and feedback.  Now, I did reach out to individual students that seemed to really be struggling, and I did try to be open with students as much as was appropriate about what was going on (something that I think is vital to building trust with students, especially in a situation that’s not ideal) and invite them to ask me if they wanted more specific feedback on assignments in order to redo them or better understand them.  The bottom line, however, is that my effectiveness as an instructor fell significantly.

I’ve recently gotten things back on track and have been doing some intense reflection.  Life dealt me a bad hand, true, but it’s also true that I did not play it strategically or thoughtfully.  I crumbled.  But it has taught me a few lessons, not the least of which is:

It’s okay to need help and ask for it!

I’m terrible at this.  Like, über bad.  I tend to work best isolated, and even when things aren’t going well I tend to not reach out to others.  I don’t want to burden them, or I don’t want to look weak or incompetent, or whatever the reason may be.  The point is, it’s a failing of mine.  One that I’m starting to work on.

The truth is, teaching is hard.  Even online teaching.  It takes a lot out of you, and when life is taking most of that away already, it’s nice to know that there are people out there who care and are willing to help you get back on track.  We’re super lucky at Michigan Virtual to have a whole organization with this as part of its culture.  I’ve received several offers of assistance from different people, without them even knowing anything was wrong, and I have no doubt that each of them was genuine.  I’ve set new goals that will hopefully help me move forward into the new semester and navigate the complexities with a little more grace.

In the meantime, thank you to all of you who have always been there to offer assistance, even if I didn’t take you up on it.  I promise to do better.